Uncover

Good Afternoon, my Friends!

Happy happy weekend to you!

I'm so excited to be sitting in a clean house, with my hubby sound asleep in the next room after pulling an all-nighter, my kids watching "Up", and my heart at rest. It's not often that we ladies actually put aside all the commotion and circumstances swirling around in our every day lives, to just sit and rest in His grace and mercy. But I love Psalm 46:10a "Be still and know that I am God." For in the stillness, when all the world is shut out, we do KNOW that He is God. It's in the chaos of the world that we lose that focus and the power of that truth.

Proverbs 28...

13 People who conceal (cover) their sins will not prosper,
but if they confess and turn from (forsake) them, they will receive mercy.

When I was reading this, I felt as though I had fallen into a hole I had dug for myself. "People who conceal their sins will not prosper..." Yowza! So, true confessions, this is totally me for most of the time...and as of late, I'm working on this huge!

So, take a deep breath and dive with me into the yuckiness of our pride and ego, and prepare to be challenged. For I don't know one woman who does not not struggle with this.

To conceal...to cover...to hide...(Hebrew verb: kacah). To try to erase something that should never have been in the first place. Isn't that what we convince ourselves as we're trying to cover our tracks??

Why do we tend to cover something we have done?

The root for most excuses is pride. It is that pride that as a result hinders how we see the world, how we see our relationships, how we see our hearts (Mark 7:21-23 "For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, and evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man."), and how we see our God (Psalm 10:4 "The wicked in his proud countenance does not see God; God is in none of his thoughts.").

Let me say up front, that we may think we've covered our sins; but the truth is always discovered, no matter the time line, by those closest to us.

But more importantly, the Lord knows everything...every flit that goes through your mind, to every deed of your hand. He knows and sees it all.

Psalm 139:1-7 "Oh Lord, You have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my every thought when far away. You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment You know where I am. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You both precede and follow me. You place Your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to know! I can never escape from Your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence."

Here are some ways we may try and "cover" our sins...

1. Denial. Deception. For many this begins as a mind-game we play, not only with the people we're in relationship with, but ourselves. Denial is achieved through lying, whether out-right or by omission. For example, when Peter denied Christ three times before Christ's crucifixion. Scared, lonely, confused, Peter only proved Jesus right when he predicted Peter would deny him. (Matthew 27:69-75)

Think back to the last time you denied the truth (and that does include the whole truth and nothing but the truth) and the web you had to weave because you didn't just admit it in the first place. For once you tell one lie, you have to tell another to make the first one believable and to keep your lie from being uncovered. The more times we tell the lie, we actually rewrite reality in our own heads; and we actually start believing the lie is the truth. And on and on it goes, and forever you will live a life of lies. Where's the truth in that?

2. Justify. Excuse. Shift Blame. I think this is what we're famous for as women...our "yabbits." A yabbit is a "Yeah, but" said really fast, and mamas, we can spit those out like rapid fire. We've got a yabbit for every sin. Plain old cause and effect. For our sin is the effect; well then, what's the cause? And we find it, because we're on a mission to save our pride. You don't have to look farther than Eve (Gen. 3:1-13) to realize, somehow, we women don't fall far from that tree. Eve said, "The snake made me do it." Our kids may say, "My sister hit me first." We may say, "My hubby was mean first." And it goes on and on, and the excuses can potentially go on forever. But where's truth in a life full of excuses?

3. Naivete. When a person lacks wisdom, then sin invades undetected. There is no real foundation on which to base right and wrong for this person; and these people don't even know they've sinned. We see examples of these people all over Proverbs, known as the Fools...and we see examples all over history and our society. These are the people who fall deep into a hole and then wonder how they ever got there.

Think about Zacchaeus (Luke 19:1-10) up the tree. He didn't know right from wrong. His influence was the Roman government and the greed that surrounded his position. And yet, despite his lack of wisdom, somehow he was still compelled to climb a sycamore, look like a fool, to hopefully catch a glimpse of Christ.

We may not fall under this category, but someone in our lives might be struggling with this. More importantly, we know our kids fall under this category. This is why we must teach them wisdom (and more impactfully, model it for them). For a life lead by unwise actions, then create unwise reactions, and on and on it goes, potentially lasting forever. But where's His truth in an unwise life?
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As a result of our "covering", we most likely experience the following in ourselves and therefore impact our relationships with our spouse. Notice the building of scenarios.

-Guilt: Because we know what we did was wrong, we then look for redemption through other means other than admitting the truth. May be super sweet, fix favorite meals, etc. Also, the guilt may trickle into remorse and self-loathing, which then turns into self-anger...and left undone, that anger is then turned on those closest to you.

-Tension: Having an underlying sense of uncertainty in your home, where you are the only one who knows the root. Your spouse remains clueless, except that you are distant. Not dealt with, this tension very quickly turns into irritation.

-Irritation: The whole point is to focus on the little things in your hubby's behavior that bug you. This gives you "permission" to act out some of that tension you've been harboring for yourself, most likely passive-aggressively (sighs, body language, eye rolls, purposeful thoughtlessness). The reason tension easily leads into irritation is that we must attack first before your hubby attacks you. Deflection is the name of the game.

-Aggressive Anger: If your hubby hasn't cornered you yet on what is bothering you, aggressive anger will always get his attention. This is the visible, audible "I'm angry and not trying to control or hide it" stage of covering sins. Destruction is the point of this. The truth is that your spirit is destroyed on the inside, so why not destroy everything good on the outside.

All of these lead AWAY from prosperity...and instead lead STRAIGHT to misery.

So, my girls...what to take from this, other than a cold hard look of the inner workings of our heart, is this: (Assume the injured person is your hubby.)

1. Admit to yourself you were wrong. Own it. We want to own all the good in our life. But with the good, also comes with owning the bad.

2. Confess to the Lord and then to your spouse you wronged. Do it with a heart of contrition, honesty, and remorse. It's okay to allow yourself to be broken over something. It's actually vital because it is part of the growing process.

3. Ask for forgiveness from the Lord and from your dear hubby. I think this is a major step that society overlooks (and that as moms we should be teaching our kiddos to do). To ask for forgiveness, gives the "victim' the right to respond to the apology and to embrace the "aggressor" after all is done. Forgiveness allows for complete healing.

4. RECEIVE forgiveness. For many of us, this is a process of being broken and when our actions affect those we love, quite often, we don't forgive ourselves. But we must, for He has forgiven us, and our hubby has forgiven as well. Do not negate their forgiveness.
This is possibly the greatest gift you could give the relationship: the ability to start with a fresh slate.

5. Analyze the root issue for why you did what you did. For a lesson not learned from is a big waste of time. Right? It's like watching your kiddos make the same mistake over and over and you telling them, "How many times do I have to tell you this?" I wonder how many times the Lord things that of us?

6. Finally, make the necessary adjustment in your heart, your mind, and your actions, that will allow you to choose correctly in the future. Lesson learned. Wouldn't this be an amazing victory??

Check out Psalm 32:1-11, a Psalm written by David after he had the affair with Bathsheba and had her hubby Uriah conveniently "whaked" so David could marry her (and you thought the Bible was devoid of drama!!). But this Psalm is all about the joy experienced after being forgiven by the Lord. Amen!!

Ladies...I write this from a humble heart that has been there, done that in all of these ways! We are here together: loving one another, loving our families, loving our kiddos, and loving our God!

Have an amazing evening!!

With love and utter respect-

R